Another Pagan Blog
You never know where the stars will lead you, or how one thing can lead to another. You never know what your god and goddess may have in store for you, or when they're sitting there laughing at your conviction knowing that one day you're going to had it all wrong.

Several months ago, I had a friend ask me if I thought I would ever date another guy. And I put on my serious face, and I gave him a completely honest answer. I told him that I didn't think I ever could date another member of the male sex. Then, I realized the addendum. I could never date another guy, unless he was someone like my roommate's boyfriend. Someone who's sweet, and goofy, and intelligent, and cares about people. Someone who probably wouldn't hurt me, the way I've already been hurt.

Because my ex? He really hurt me. He didn't just break my heart. He tried to continue our friendship, so he could wait for the opportune moment to reach into my chest and pull out my still beating heart, Indiana Jones Temple of Doom style, take a bite out of it, show me the masticated parts, then stomp on the rest of it.

But the thing is the heart (the metaphorical one, not the biological one. Duh) can heal, just like a broken bone. Put the pieces back together, and hold them there with something, and after awhile, they'll knit themselves back together. Then life goes on, and when you least expect it, life hits you smack front and center in the face with a giant stinky fish, sending you staggering and reeling...

right into the arms of one member of the sex you thought you had completely sworn off. Because life's a bitch like that.

So enough with the metaphors and the setting up. Here's the thing. Friday the 11th my friend had a birthday party. I had promised to go to this party, and I really missed her, so there was no way I was going to miss it. Then I find out that Long Beach's own Transgendered Awareness event had been changed from Sunday to that Friday. This was something that I had wanted to go to as well, and had planned on. But the change was last minute, I had no way of getting there, and I had already bought appetizers for my friend's party. So I went to her house instead. Then while I was there my friend, who was on the verge of getting sick, called and asked if I wanted to get Chinese with her. It sounded cool but I really just wanted to celebrate my friend's birthday with her. So I stayed. The party went on, and it was a blast. But around midnight everyone, including the hostess was getting pretty tired, and we all left at once. One of my guy friends offered...nay insisted on giving me a ride home, despite my being within walking distance and carrying a very large beat-em-up stick. My friend's mother agreed. I was reluctantly talked into it until I saw S. leaving with his bike. I figure he can walk me home, I don't have to get into a car...which makes me nervous every time, not to mention the car was full of people to make me feel claustrophobic.

So I walked home with S. This guy who I'd kinda talked with off and on through the evening, who I was on friendly terms with, who I'd always sort of had a casual crush on, but who I had been a little awkward with to start that day out with because it was the first time I'd seen him since another one of my friends had broken up with him. But by the time we got back to my place, there was either something new...or a strengthening of something from before. I gave him my phone number. He texted me the next day, and we chatted the whole day back and forth, until finally I asked him if he wanted to get some Wingstop with me. (Not real date food, but it wasn't technically a real date...) After dinner we grabbed coffee. After that we dicked around. We had a ton of fun. And if there hadn't been anything there the night before, there was now. A magnetism that drew us together when we hugged goodbye, and I still can't figure out how it was that we didn't kiss that night.

Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday was filled with texting back and forth. Then Wednesday, and he's had a full day, he was tired from work, and he had to go into work again bright and early the following morning. He knew I wouldn't get out of class until late, but still he wanted to hang out. So we go to a little cafe, and go back out to the car where he opens the door for me (oh yeah did I mention that? He does things like open the door for you. Talk about making me feel girly). So I reach forward and push it closed. Confused he opens it again, but I just look at him until he closes it, looking a little lost. Which just makes me smile. And I asked him to kiss me. And he did.

It's been a whirlwind week. And I know our relationship isn't going to last long...after all I'm hoping to be flying out to Spain in a couple months for about a semester. He's going to be attending flight school and working. But we're going to enjoy it while we can.

And I'm just going to enjoy my god and goddess' senses of humor. I guess the moral of the story is, never swear anything off. You may be pleasantly surprised.

An ex-born again, -Queer- (despite current circumstances) pagan.


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