Another Pagan Blog
Sorry about the hiatus last week folks. As previously mentioned I was in a pretty dark headspace that took some wiggling to get out of. Even when I was feeling better by Wednesday I didn't really get back to myself until Friday evening. It's good to be back though.
I gotta make this short 'cause I need to go post some questions regarding Rime of the Ancient Mariner before I go to bed on the class forum.

High School was a brand new experience for me. I had discovered the Internet in Jr. High and had already been role-playing for about a year and a half. I was a dice away from D&D when I started High School. Not only that but the Internet gave me a whole new view of the world that not even my few years in public school had prepared me for. The Internet started a very long process of leaving me jaded, of showing me all that is wrong with humanity. In essence, the Internet introduced me to the vilest of enemies towards the Christian religion: Philosophy.

Wait, hold on...let me back up a smidge. A couple posts back I mentioned the two books that most influenced my young childhood. Well not long after I devoured Chronicles of Narnia for a second time I discovered my mom reading an old book she'd picked up at a thrift store. The book was a black paperback, tattered and worn and very well loved. The cover of it had some elegant scrolling words in a script I didn't recognize arranged on an arch. And beneath this arch was a crouching old figure at the edge of an underground lake clutching a fish.
The first time I read the Hobbit was in fifth grade. A year later I tackled The Lord of the Rings. And even though I wouldn't complete it right away, when I did finally finish reading that fantastic trilogy, Tolkien had won over a devoted fan for life. In seventh grade I saw the trailer for "Fellowship of the Rings" and though I was skeptical of how the movie would turn out I was finding every Lord of the Rings related site on the internet, some movie related, but most developed my Tolkenites long ago. And by eighth grade, that roleplaying I discovered was on a web-forum called Entmoot. Out of utter embarrassment at my early attempts at the game I will withhold my username and the forums I was in, but the fact is the roleplaying started a stream of writing. And it had me relating elves to men in Philosophical statements only my mom could pretend to understand...

Freshman year of High School was not a whole lot of revelations for me spiritually. I sang in choir, I got my first ever class grade "F" (In an English class no less!). Nothing terribly life-changing. Well, I did start reading Robert Jordan's "Wheel of Time" series which introduced some new, vaguely pagan concepts to my blooming mind. And I did meet the Bane, a boy who would much later end up becoming a major part of my life, and a cause of a lot of life decisions for me.
But because I'm not like other kids and I didn't rebel until College, that's not till later.
By Sophomore year of High School I do start to notice some more jaded factors of my life around me. The strongest and most personal of which were the gradual introduction of cuss words into my language, and some questioning of personal life choices.
About the first. Growing up in the household I did, the very utterance of a fowl word resulted in punishment. We couldn't even talk like we grew up in the Beaver household. "Well gee pops!" Obviously "gee" is a bad word because it's "G" which is the first letter of "God" thus taking "God's" name in vain. I exaggerate, but not much. I think it was "Bullshit" that was my first word...but I don't really remember the word. I just remember the look of shock and pride that crossed the face of one of my Jr. High friends when I finally cussed.
A big event that happened that year was when I sat down with a guy, a senior guy, before class, and he was admiring my rings. I proudly held out one, a golden ring with a sapphire gem, and told greenish-gold grape leaves on either side of the gem, and told him it was my promise ring.
Not a ring saying I was promised to another person. A ring promising to stay abstinent until marriage. He actually had me questioning why I had the ring by the time the bell for first class rang. Questioning, but still firm in my belief, for a little while longer at least. And around the same time, I started realizing how superficial all my friends in AWANA were acting. How some of the kids would blatantly torture this boy with Asperger Syndrome, who didn't even realize he was being taunted. How much they would cuss whenever an adult wasn't around. How they would memorize their Bible verses and be good little Christians for their parents and yet outside of Church acted the opposite. One of the boys was even the first to set off my gaydar, a problem that, believe me, would have been a horrible problem in that church.
Sophomore year was also the first year I ever celebrated Halloween and Christmas. Halloween wasn't much, just dressing up at school and going from class to class. Christmas was different. I was invited to my best friend's tree trimming, just her, her parents, her dog, and me. And then, her family's Christmas party, with her mom's whole side of the family there, some of whom were already welcoming me into the family. I spent three Christmas's with that family before our friendship exploded, each more wonderful than the last.

My roomie just came in, and I checked the length of this post. While it could go on for quite a bit longer, I think I'll leave the chaos and the turmoil of the last two years of High School for the next post. That's bound to be pretty long anyway, and like I said, I gots homework still!
So until next time,
I am Tasho, an ex-born again, bi-sexual, pagan.


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